Art and Fear

Patchwork City, still drying in studio

Sometimes, when you are afraid the water might be cold, you just have to leap in. Momentum can keep second thoughts at bay. When I was first starting out as an artist, things moved very slowly. This gave me far too much time to try to talk myself out of it.

At one point I was ready to give up entirely, and go back to working for the man. My mother is also an artist, so she understood very well what I was going through. She sent me a book, Art and Fear, by Ted Orlando and David Bayles. The book explores the vast uncertain terrain that artists must navigate, both internally and externally, in creative endeavors. Tucked inside the book was a check to help me buy some groceries. It was such a perfect and thoughtful gift. I think I burst into tears!

The poppy phase

A few years later at an art show in San Francisco a soft spoken man bought a painting from me. He didn't have his checkbook on him (who does?) so he promised to mail a check, along with a copy of a book he had written.

I had no doubt that he would send the check, but what I didn't expect was that I would end up owning two copies of his book, Art and Fear! For a second time, I got his book in the mail with a check in it, but this copy was dedicated to me by the author and the (larger) check was in payment for a painting.

The tree painting phase

These years things progress more quickly in my art career. There are always doors opening, and artwork leaves my studio regularly. I've found that it's more about deciding which avenues I want to explore further, and which things I will leave behind me. This also goes with venues where I show my work. In some ways, I find I embrace uncertainty more. There's even a part of me that craves it.

The abstract color fields phase

Creatively, I find that I'm more of a risk-taker all the time. I have no fear of messing up a good painting if I think I can make it better. There is a confidence that develops when you've covered miles of canvas. You know that whatever you create, it will be a "you". So there's less pressure to find a predictable style and stick to it. I know that by experimenting I will sometimes uncover fantastic new ideas to explore.

This is why, over the years, I've had collectors return to purchase work from me again and again. They want a piece from the new phase, even if they already own several of my paintings.